Love Is a Virus
I have no idea what day of the week it is.
Pandemic Day #673 I think.
It’s actually only been two or three weeks…
But I’m 99% sure I had Covid-19 back in early February, so I’ve been skipping events and quarantining myself much longer than the general public.
So in between not murdering my husband and keeping the dog and baby alive (I know, I’m impressed too), I’ve been obsessive about viruses.
Those nasty microscopic predators responsible for wiping out empires since the dawn of civilization.
While it’s nice we’ve evolved to the top of the food chain and don’t have to outrun tigers for survival anymore…
And nice we’ve advanced as far as we have scientifically — e.g. vaccines, antibiotics, and global Centers for Disease Control…
We’re not always as in-control of our own lives (and the fate of our species) as we’d like to believe.
Not to get too gloom-and-doomy, but germs really do have an upper-hand — being invisible to the naked-eye and all.
Thinking about the immense power of these microscopic master manipulators…
I realized the only other thing I’ve been so perplexed by, anxious about, and obsessed with, is love.
Thanks to all this quarantine time (where time truly is expanding, but also shrinking, exponentially as we enter some bizarre dimension previously hidden from us mere mortals), my revelation couldn’t be any clearer.
The two are totally synonymous with each other: viruses and love, I mean.
I swear I’m totally sober (at least until the baby goes to bed). Just hear me out. I’ve gathered lots of evidence to prove my theory.
Empirical Evidence
Oxford lists this definition for the word “virus”:
1. an infective agent that typically consists of a nucleic acid molecule in a protein coat, is too small to be seen by light microscopy, and is able to multiply only within the living cells of a host.
"a virus infection"
Pretty straightforward. Acceptable explanation. Good job, Oxford.
But I think they really slacked on the definition of love. It’s summed up merely as:
“an intense feeling of deep affection.”
I mean, okay, sure.
But there’s a reason poets, painters, writers, singers, and hormonal teenagers have expressed this feeling a trillion different ways (and none of them wrong, either).
The fun (read also: obnoxious) thing about love is that it’s not 100% science. Science — biology, chemistry, psychology, and evolutionary psychology — can only explain about 99% of it.
But that 1% mystery is what keeps our world turning and burning (check out this amazing podcast episode about Lisa “Left Eye” from TLC for an example of just how bad love can burn).
It’s also what makes love eerily reminiscent of a virus.
Let’s breakdown the pre-reqs needed to qualify as a good ol’ Corona cousin.
In layman’s terms, what make s a virus, a virus? And is it a coincidence that love seems to be made of the very same mysteriously maddening stuff?
Qualifications
1. an “infective agent”…
Uhm hi, yes. How many of you can attest to being infected by love at some point in your life?
Oh, all of you? Great.
I rest my case.
2. nucleic acid molecule in a protein coat”…
Nucleic acid is defined as “ complex organic substance present in living cells” and is most commonly associated with DNA and RNA.
So okay, that also sounds a lot like what makes up a person. A bunch of complex DNA and stuff covered in skin (read also: protein coat).
Obviously, the easy metaphor here is that humans are viruses. And Earth is our ever-increasingly sick host.
But sticking with the theme of today’s post, why can’t love, being intrinsically and organically “human” — arguably the most “human” thing about us — also be made up of the very same stuff that makes up a human (and, coincidentally, a virus)?
And how convenient, then, that people are the root of this whole idea of “love”. And people are solely responsible for silently spreading this whole “love” thing — with side effects ranging from mild to severe.
But don’t worry, you can become “immune”. You just need to fall in love with a psycho or two first. A bad enough heartbreak is almost 99% effective as a vaccine.
We can’t even help it! Spreading love like a virus is apparently drilled into our protein-coated cores.
3. “too small to be seen by light microscopy”…
Well we can’t “see” love, so it is plausible that’s because love is too small to be visible to the naked eye.
How else would it sneak into the fibers of our being so stealthily, corrupting all pre-existing programs with an agenda of its own? Overwriting all common sense in our hard drives?
4. “able to multiply only within the living cells of a host.”
Welp, all I’m sayin’ is I’ve never seen an inanimate object go all Romeo-and-Juliet-haywire.
And unreciprocated love, no matter how strong – like a Covid-19 infection in a self-isolating patient – will never yield any offspring.
It’s impossible for viruses and love to multiply without contact with another living host.
Beneath the Surface
As you can see, the parallels here are rather uncanny.
Us humans and our unique ability to love — for better or worse, and sometimes in a toxic and all-consuming way — aren’t all that different from viruses and their unique ability to wreak havoc on their own hosts.
This is an unsettling metaphor to some. But that’s not the way I’m choosing to look at it.
As we all wake up every morning and put one foot in front of the other – at least from the bedroom to the kitchen and back again – in this Bizarro world of pandemics and isolation, remembering that love is just as contagious as Covid-19 gives me hope.
Hope that humanity will, as it has done since the dawn of our human-constructs of time, persevere.
Hope that we will overcome these obstacles.
Hope that these hard lessons will give birth to some ingenious ideas, innovative inventions, and desperately needed social reform.
Hope that we will no longer take presence for granted.
We will gather with our friends, families, and colleagues again.
We will embrace each other instead of our fears and anxieties.
And we will NOT take the little things for granted.
We will live, we will laugh, and we will spread love like a virus.
